The cracks and broken pieces of me aren't some wreck to be pitied .

I am a magnifique, shape-shifting mosaic of all these smaller colourful parts .

One week ago...

My heart became committed to you somewhere along the way…

that book of unsent love poems, every single morning text, those deep kisses in the dark, the forehead kisses and squeezes in the light, the way you shake your hair, sip your drinks, roll your cigarettes, play with your hands, and how you look away when you caught me staring…

it’s not fair that while this was happening to me, you so easily set me aside.

last night, this morning

I almost forgot where I was

waking up in the dress I wore last night.

I turned over and just saw you,
the ankh on your kissable back,
your beautiful, tight coils,
and the coo of your breathing...

my only instinct was to touch you,
even if it was just my finger to lightly trace your tiny frame,
or a soft but swift caress of your thigh,
just to be as close to you as you would allow.

then, as if by fate,
you moved closer to me,
my little spoon <3 p="">

Sleeping next to you is surely one of my favorite things.

I don’t understand…

why some people with the ability to vote and participate in what happens in this country CHOSE not to.

 Sure, the system is fucked up and all conspiracy theories aside, the elite really don’t care about working people. But that’s because they think we don’t know any better to care about ourselves. “Lazy victims” they’ve called us.

 “I’m not going to vote because my vote wont matter and the two party system is a joke.”

If that’s how you really feel then get off your ass and DO SOMETHING. There ARE other parties. There ARE OTHER IDEALS.

But as long as you fuckers aren’t voting AT ALL, the people that do, i.e. the wealthy scum who don’t know what it means to feel DEFEATED like you (yes, you folks are exhibiting defeated behavior by admitting to your PERCEIVED powerlessness. cogs in the machine) will continue to elect officials and ideals that you can’t relate to nor benefit you.

I’ve talked to IMMIGRANTS, legal or not, young and old, who WISH they could vote in this country because they understand how (potentially) great it is to actually live here.

You folks are the typical spoiled children of the world. Won’t know what you have until it’s ripped from under you.
 If you are an American CITIZEN, living and working in this country reaping the rewards of food, shelter, internet access (which is one of the greatest privileges of this country as it isn’t censored and readily accessible to even the poorest people), etc, you should be voting. Period.

 Really, shut the fuck up if you feel the gov’t isn’t working for you. You didn’t give your voice. That’s like being mad that they got you a chocolate birthday cake when you wanted yellow but didn’t say anything.

YOUR WILLINGNESS TO DO NOTHING IS AN ACTION IN ITSELF.

The magic button — Make Everything OK

The magic button — Make Everything OK

This is how I'm going to remember you, bro

I always told you I loved you and you'll always put a smile on my face.

I just wish it wasn't so soon. I still can't believe it.

I'll see you again soon <3

you weren't there for shit when I was struggling. Don't ask me about my success.

She charged at me, she, the bull.
Her horns pierced me, though I did not bleed.
I gasped and grinned at the notion of this power attempting to discover me.

Though hesitant and reserved about such matters of interest, I vowed to never ignore the ginger knock of opportunity.

Through poison, I was made pure;
Willing, for the first time, to ration smiles.
Not just from my face, but from a dormant somewhere, untouched.

She, the bull, her charge is welcome.

Don't pretend you know me.
You only know the old me; foolish me.

Mmm imported pussy...

That's great and all, but don't you think you should get it tested first?

This isn't the first time this dog brought germs into my house.

Like, I go from almost never being sick to getting full on head colds now that this ho wants to fly out to fake get her pussy licked.

It's pathetic and disgusting.

I thank the stars I'm not the type to spend stupid amounts of money to see ANY female that's not my mom.

So go on with your new import, just stop bringing me the spoils, namely the germs you gather.

One sure way to know...

That you don't love me and only seek to control me is that you threaten I will be alone and miserable without you.

You don't wish me happiness, only despair in your absence. Your inflated ego, although you swear you don't have one, is the ultimate reason I don't trust you or wish to love you ever again.

"What do you call a lesbian with long nails?"

"Single."

"It's the worst feeling in the world when someone carves a mark on your life, then leaves and doesn't even care."

Forgotten...

I have so many questions and feelings and no one to trust to quench this thirst or this fire I cradle in my chest.

I'm rotting from the inside out.

I still feel you and the taste of cigarettes
What could I ever run to?

Just tell me it's tearing you apart

Just tell me you cannot sleep...

Aroused.

My body is ready...

Diagnosis :

No, you weren't the first, but I held high hopes for you being the last.

I banked on that... I thrived on that.

In a way, you are the last. There is no one after you.

I've come to accept that its not you i miss, it's the connections that sparked an ideal that sparked the emotions that I miss.

I've tried not once, not twice, but three times for new times' sake and for naught.

Yes, I'm a fool, but can I really be considered a fool if I was only chasing my dreams of a happier life?

I guess so.

As I lay me down to sleep
This I pray
That you will hold me dear
Though I'm far away
I'll whisper your name
Into the sky
And I will wake up [unhappy]

...

For some reason, this song popped into my head.

I used to really love to hear this song when I was younger..

But now, for all the reasons I can think of, it's in my head, right now.

I hate talking about myself, I feel like the self-centered jerk I am.

Every day and every night, I send silent prayers

though I know prayers and wishes are for the weak minded

and if I want something to happen,

I should do it myself,

but I'm sick of being the one to reach out,

making myself vulnerable

and ultimately being hung out to dry.

Fact of the matter is, with all that I'm doing now, something's still missing.

It's not her, it's the feeling she gave me.

I won't, there for I can't.

Yes, life is quite shitty...

When you deal with someone who swears they are gods gift, its rather annoying.
Why though? Because groupies that know nothing about you "want" you? Spare me the bullshit.

They don't have to put up with nonstop nagging and whining on a daily basis. They don't have to put up with your poor body standards, poor diet (not to mention cellulite), & poor imagination outside of your own. They don't have to deal with constant lurking, snooping and demonizing. Just because I think outloud makes no one better than the other. They don't deal with a contradicting, unadmittingly selfish and arrogant fool.

For someone who tries to be so mysterious and secretive, you sure do your best to keep yourself in the spotlight. Its beyond frustrating when every other word is "other people". They don't have to deal with this nuisance who is constantly worried about others and their perceptions and quick to judge me based on that. Insecure, much?

If I'm this sinner and you're the saint come to save me, you can go somewhere with that delusional BS.

Can't even say you played the rebound role well. But the groupies don't have to deal with that either.

On top of having a menial life with no exercise, no meaningful work, no art, and no love, no time, yes, life is pretty shitty.

The Motive

If the motive was to make me never want to speak to you again, you have flawlessly succeeded.

I was willing to overlook everything for the sake of starting fresh and most of all, learning from my mistakes. But it seems I'm the only one that learned anything.

You should go back to "forgetting"; at least then you reminded me of the person I met and not remind me why I don't talk to you now.

I wish those negative voices in my head were wrong... I wish I wasn't so disappointed when in some way I knew all along