Au revoir, 2009.

these are some proofs from the last shoot I did.

I can't wait to get my physical port all filled up.

My mom wants to finally be involved in my aspirations, how special.

Chanel Iman for Yves Saint Laurent. <3

“And especially, especially, don’t f*ck with vegans. Do not look vegans in the eye. If you get into an argument with a vegan, say “I’m wrong”, and run away as fast as you can. Do not f*ck with vegans because they will f*ck you up…

BECAUSE THEY’RE HUNGRY.”

-Margaret Cho <3

never thought I'd NEED a cigarette so bad.

Happy Holidays, whatever that might or might not mean for you.

I just hope everyone's at least got someone to talk to.

<3

no turning back.

there is no restart button, there is no delete nor backspace...

There is only me.
Who I was, who I am and who I'll be.
All valid in their space and time.
I give that respect and I expect it back.
you can't IMAGINE my constant disappointment.

At a time when we're supposed to be merry and gay, I often find myself here;
in my room, alone in the dark, thinking.
I'm not afraid of my thoughts, but you may be.
As a matter of fact, it's guaranteed you'll be afraid of my thoughts.

my mind is a mine field.


W a t c h y o u r s t e p.

Right under my SKIN.

My love.

Just waiting to be set free...
beautiful and rough like pineapples...
vast and deep like the ocean...
wild and intoxicating like vineyards...

I'm not "too good to be true".

"they say you grow when you don't succeed
but it's hard to breathe when no one believes in me"

unworthy.

the world lost another angel.
Just goes to show, we are not worthy.

I'm going to watch SIN CITY later...


not feeling so happy right now.

never thought trying to be happy could be so wrong...

I was just thinking how wonderful life is...

I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

My family loves me...

I have a few great friends...

I've got things about myself that I like very much sometimes lol...

but I'm having a hard time truly being free.

I desire love and happiness, but there are people who only want to see me suffer.

Why? Since when is wanting love and happiness wrong?

What happened to humanity?

I whimper a nonsecular prayer to bring humanity, humility and kindness back.

im not afraid of my feelings... i like to think im doing a great job managing them.

Victoria's Secret Fashion show 2009

Honestly...
this show is never any different minus the musical performances, wicked remixes, and over-the-top costume lingerie that we'll never see again.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the show and it's peeks into the hectic backstage life.
That makes a show like this worth watching.

One thing I do find upsetting year after year, is that the featured models are often 5 or 6 European or Brazilian women and they make no mention of the FIVE models of color that grace that runway every year.
I see Heidi, Miranda, Alessandra and the rest all the effing time and they all look the same to me: blondish, fair skinned and ridiculously big-boobed.

I watched closely this year to follow my favorites Chanel Iman, Sessilee Lopez, and Selita Ebanks. To my surprise there were 2 models of color who I didn't know.
When the show was over, I hit my laptop and started googling.

On the VS All Access website, the Supermodels section features Adriana Lima, Behati Prinsloo, Doutzen Kroes, Heidi Klum, Marisa Miller, and Miranda Kerr.
My biggest problem with this page is that techinically, in the fashion world beyond VS, CHANEL IMAN and SESSILEE LOPEZ are SUPERMODELS. AND, Chanel did get her wings this year...why isn't she on this page??

On the CBS website, again, none of my favorites were featured.

I tried looking through the blogs to find photos and maybe a name.. slim to none.

I don't understand how a nobody like Kylie wins that contest and her name and face is all over the web, but Chanel, Sessilee, and Selita are no where to be found.

smh... all this after being tremendously upset by the NOV 09 TeenVogue article featuring Chanel and Jourdan and their struggles being young black models in a fashion world where "we're only hiring one black girl for this show".

To add insult to injury... I remember seeing the new bra commercial and Chanel was in it for half a second at the END of the damn commercial. RAWRRRR!

I'm still searching... this is what I've found so far:

Sessilee Lopez

Selita Ebanks




Chanel Iman


Doutzen and Chanel
__________________________________________________
[I had to do some work to get these next few images from the VS all access site]






_______________________________________________________



WHO ARE THEY?!
(I found this & this ... maybe I'll find them in it)

Before I begin:

dont flatter yourself, lovergirl...

my shit aint about you.

Take me in

i need ur love

now more than ever

let me win

keep me above

senseless endeavor

darkness here

where no one knows

our true affection

keep you near

lock you inside

for our protection...

.unfinished.

interpret how you may...

but this is most likely not about you.

The gods' honest truth of the matter is... I think about you more than anything or anyone. I pray that your ok, and if your sick or upset, I pray that someone's taking care of you. I hope you're happy...content with where you are and who you are. The fact remains; your an amazing person, inside and out. When I felt ugly, you told me I was beautiful and meant it. When I was longing for a hug, you gave me one and I still feel your arms around me. When I needed your love, you never hesitated to give me all of it. I feel forever blessed to have known you at all.