"what do you do when you stay up all night?"

for the most part, I think…

about every and anything.

I oft imagine situations and conversations that sometimes never come to fruition.

I think about music and movies…
I contemplate the role I play and the soundtrack to this musical life of mine.

I think about my family, my childhood, my “future”
I read old diaries and browse photograhs…

I ponder experiences that have led me to be the person I am today and sometimes think of who I would be if things went differently.

I think about my interpersonal relationships…

I wonder about the abstract notion of perception.

I obsess and I’m often compelled…
and I always pick myself apart asking myself “why?”

I think about what it means to exist…

nakimuli:

alyssa aka the new intern aka the new naKIMuli model at friday’s fitting, draped in naKIMuli + made by ag

she’s so hot, other designers were trying to get her to model their clothing. but she belongs to me! ha! kidding. *but not really*

you guys will be seeing a lot of alyssa really soon.

So, Tennille is the most amazing person ever!
I'm more than honoured to be working with her :-)

I really miss the way things used to be…
but there’s a point in cognition that urges me to move forward,

especially when you’re so… I don’t even know how to say it… something close would be a word like “discouraging”.

Things won’t work for so many more valid and present-day reasons…
[that I would have willingly set aside… probably foolish on my part]
the main one being you can’t seem to make up your mind.

You’re not my friend, you’re no longer my lover, I’m just a girl you used to know.

Call it what you want, but that’s what’s real.

I liked you because of who you were…

not how you dressed

or who you knew

or what you had.

I liked you because of how I felt when I was near you

you made me laugh

you made the world feel a little less bleak

you let me be myself.

I loved you because I thought you loved me for every silly little thing we were…

I loved the way your eyes met mine

I loved the way you seemed addicted to me and I to you

I loved that we could just be anywhere and nowhere, but as long as we were together, everything was perfect.

The world of the living is now a lot more bearable knowing what all that was like.

I'm getting wicked good at keeping things to myself.

That could be a bad thing.

:-D

"I've crossed the Rubicon"

The river is notable as Roman law forbade any general from crossing the Rubicon with a legion. The river was considered to mark the boundary between the Roman province of Cisalpine Gaul to the north and Italy proper to the south; the law thus protected the republic from internal military threat. A Roman general was thus obliged to disband his army before crossing the Rubicon, otherwise both he and his men were guilty of high treason and sacrilege, and automatically condemned to death.

When Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon with his army in 49 BC, supposedly on January 10 of the Roman calendar, to make his way to Rome, he broke that law and made armed conflict inevitable. According to historian Suetonius, Caesar uttered the famous phrase ālea iacta est ("the die has been cast"). Caesar's decision for swift action forced Pompey, the lawful consul, and a large part of the Senate to flee Rome in fear. Since Caesar was eventually victorious, the punishment due him became a moot issue.

(via wikipedia)

:-)

I'm not a huge fan of how much I miss being loved that way.

I miss soft caresses on my skin

I miss sweet kisses for no reason

I miss the long hugs

I miss interlocked fingers that make two bodies one

I miss the scents, the sights, the sounds

... I bet once I stop thinking about all this again, it will all fall into my lap, AGAIN.

Will I want it then? Most likely. :-)