self-loathing gets me no where but can I speak on this for a minute?

I'm at a point in my life where I just want to seriously end it all.

Everyone around me who seems to be succeeding are legitimately fake individuals who consume and play this fucked up life game

mindless... simply playing the game

I guess I hate myself for not learning how to play.

I wish I could play the role and play the system and play the people who care about me in order to gain.

But then I think... gaining material things means nothing to me.

People I know who have money only pretend to be happy.

most of them are lonely fuckers... more alone than me because they are surrounded and over saturated by people who only see them for what they seem to have.

All I have are the clothes on my back, essentially.

If my mother wanted to be a super bitch, I'd have nothing.

Come to think of it, I'd probably be happier if that were the case.

I hate feeling obligated

I hate feeling like I'm alone with my thoughts and emotions.

I hate feeling like i have to curb who I am because you all are so brainwashed by society into what is right and wrong.

EXAMPLE
I don't live in extremes. I hate people who do things out of spite. I hate people who make assumptions and call them questions.

I hate when people throw favors back in my face, fuck you and your favors, dont ever offer me anything again. I wont take it.

You don't know my life, please, for your own sake, don't assume you know what I'm dealing with in any given situation. Your tiny, half-utilized brain could not comprehend my thought patterns and emotional waves.

I don't belong here.

I havent found anyone who I can relate to without having to bend backwards to get a smidgen of relief from someone, somewhere knowing where the fuck im coming from.